Is it Love or is it Lust?

I used to think when my heart started pounding and my breath got short, and my hands started shaking and sweating that I was madly in love with the man that caused my physical reaction to his mere presence. I thought this must be love otherwise I couldn’t have such a reaction, right?

Well God taught me what was really going on. He helped me to recognize I could have the same reaction to any number of men I found physically attractive, but that did not mean I was in love with him. It simply meant my physical body was reacting to another physical body that was pleasing to my eyes.

Back when I was in my early twenties I worked in customer service where customers could come into our office counter to drop off their packages to be sent out via courier service. There was this one guy who would come in once or twice per week to drop off his packages. I noticed him right away because he was a fine male specimen. He was about 6’0 tall, well built, brown skin, with curly black hair and a mega-watt smile that featured perfectly white & straight teeth. Clearly he was off the scale (10 ++++++++). Lol. Every time he came in (he would always come to my line) I would go into a spasm and barely be able to talk to him. I know he could see my hand trembling as I tried to write his receipt, and he could hear my voice quivering as I tried to ask questions about what service he wanted for his package. I decided I was madly in love with him simply based on my reaction to him. This went on for months, and I began to realize a physical reaction wasn’t enough. There had to be more to it than that if it was really love. I began to understand that I didn’t know anything about that man. I had no clue what kind of character he had, or what made him tick. I began to know that I was in lust with him. I learned lust is rooted in sight and feelings, whereas love is rooted in knowledge. I don’t think you can love someone you don’t know.

It’s in the knowing that love begins to grow. As you get to know someone’s character you begin to love them. Are they honest, loyal, responsible, accountable etc? Do they show a strong example of stability, endurance, and vision? What kind of spiritual fruit are they producing? As you get to know them you discover things about them that you don’t like. However, when love has budded you’re able to overlook those things. You realize in spite of their weaknesses you still like them. Compassion wells up in your heart, and grace easily flows from you to their areas of need. Their looks and all that stuff doesn’t matter as much. This is how you know you’re moving towards love. Love is a decision and a commitment based on knowledge rather than a feeling. Feelings come and go like the wind, but a decision and a commitment can stand the test of time.

I thank God I learned this valuable lesson at a young age. I believe it saved me from much heartache and sorrow because I didn’t jump into relationships based on my feelings and physical reactions. I prayed and asked God to give me discernment about men and their intentions toward me. As always, God proved faithful. I took my time, asked a lot of questions, did a lot of observing before I proceeded to a first date. Most of the time it was lust, but I learned love is worth waiting and watching, and praying for.

Love,

Miss Terri